Yea Is Not Exactly Yeah
So the guy next to me's getting saved. The guy next to him is using phrases like, "Are you ready to surrender control? Is that something you can do right now?"
He's got his Bible open, a tricked out signature model in a leather cover with gold leaf accents and (presumably) dual exhaust and a paddle shifting sport package interior. The other guy guy, Mr. Surrender, is following along in a bargain model, something youth groups and Churches hand out so they can keep their tricked out personal scripts in their lusty little polished hands. Judging by the Sesame Street wording of Paul, they're using a New Living Translation (NLT), New International Version (NIV) or something similar. New Expanded College Kings Holy Extended Amplified Translation (NECKHEAT) or some shit. I guess milking the hard parts down makes conversion a slightly easier task than something like screaming in pain while lions eat you1.
Which brings up my problem with the Church crowd. I mean no offense to anyone's faith whatsoever. While I never quite donned the pastel polo shirt of Post-Modern Christiandom, at one time I believed about 90% in a good 40% of that particular doctrine ±3%, so I can't say much about it, also 90% of my extended family ±3% believe a good 80% or so of the same stuff. So, there you go. At one time, I probably agreed with between .27 and .45 of whatever you might believe if you attend a mainstream Americanestant Christian Church, assuming your beliefs add up to one, which seems the whole point of that faith anyway. My family has a probability of between .696 and .744 of agreeing with you (but not totally).
Anyway, the guy over here, Mr. Surrender, is surrendering his will. That's fine, but I wonder if he'll stay up tonight wondering how you surrender your will to an omnipresent/omniscient being without having already surrendered your will, thus negating the process, and if indeed the entirety of existence is under the control of Mr. O/O, how anyone at anytime is not surrendering their will. Even if they don't. I know I would. So, anyway, his surrendering is wrapping up, I hope he feels some peace, but really, before my will gets surrendered (voluntarily?), I would expect some answers to a lot more difficult questions than he has asked. Or does the questioning represent a lack of surrender, thus negating the existence (at least in your head, which is a whole nother can of existential worms) of Mr. O/O? I mean, if I shouldn't be able to move "...outside the will of [Mr. O/O]", does any movement at all not knowingly acknowledged by me to be voluntary mean that Mr. O/O will get offended and possibly in a smiting mood?
OK, So Mr. O/O hasn't smitten in a while. That does not seem a real probability to worry about. I mean, even if you think that Mr. O/O smote Sodom and G-Town for Sodomites doing Sodomite things2, then it would stand to reason that he would smite every town with an established YMCA. That has not happened. In fact, out of the high number of human settlements, only two have been so treated. This is fairly reassuring as their has to have been more than a million towns with greater than 100 people established at this point in history, and given that any group of more than 100 people has wildly less than a 1% chance of avoiding the scurge. So, a city has about about a 4,500,000:1 chance of being smote in its entire existence, usually hundreds or thousands of years. Or smitten. Smitten sounds more pleasant, not that those words really matter. Basically, it doesn't happen. And considering the downward trend in smiting since wide-spread literacy, I feel safe from random firestorms. The jury is still out on hurricanes.
I'm not saying Mr. Surrender is making a bad decision, I'm just telling you why I would find it difficult. Now, studying holy writ is a fun way to spend some time. I love it, actually. More interesting is to get into it. Seriously into it. Pull out your Unger's and your Strong's and your Placher. If you want to study the Bible, don't just study the words on the page, that makes no sense. Study the book. Study the canon choices and the individual personalities responsible for your doctrine (hint: the majority are nowhere in your Bible).
So, the guy is now surrendered and so forth, at least, he feels "it is all clear, now,"3 I assume he must have picked up something I missed over there. Selah. He is currently getting a lecture from Mr. Gold Leaf Pages that surrender today might be tough tomorrow. And that those doubts are just "feelings" and that "that's what faith is for."
Kind of a confusing phrase. What exactly is faith beyond a feeling? It is not a tangible gas, solid, or liquid. It must be a feeling, which leaves nothing else. So, if feeling is first (thanks, e.e.), is faith possible without doubt? Isn't faith defined by doubt, or more accurately, a persons response to doubt?
Now they are making plans for a coming retreat. For those of you not in the know about such things, a "retreat" is where everyone with the same beliefs runs off to the woods to agree with each other. Surrender one day, retreat the next. Onward Christian Soldiers must have been about a different breed. Somewhere St. George is cringing.
Quite the murky pool Mr. Surrender just stumbled into. I hope he at least asks enough questions to keep it fun.
1. I'm afraid it would be too offensive to say I hate the majority of Christianity's doctrines since they quit getting ate, so I won't.
1. And nowhere in the Bible says it was.
2. His exuberance is lost here.
4 comments:
>>OK, So Mr. O/O hasn't smitten in a while. That does not seem a real probability to worry about. I mean, even if you think that Mr. O/O smote Sodom and G-Town for Sodomites doing Sodomite things2, then it would stand to reason that he would smite every town with an established YMCA
Yeah, see, where you're going wrong here is in trying to apply logic to any of this. If I subscribed to the meanderings of old pre-medieval books I would go nuts trying to work out why God saw it fit to smite in the days of yore, but is an old softy these days. I guess that's why Those-Of-Little-Brainmatter leap on any excuse to see the 'Hand of God' at work these days.
See my forthcoming post And Don't Come Back for another example of how logic and nutty beliefs don't mix.
You should have thrown in a little Scientology for good measure. They're big on becoming "clear."
Ah, Scientology. The faith in faith in faith in a guy who decided to have some faith. Clarity has nothing to do with those people, try getting a straight answer out of one of them.
See, Rev, that's what I just don't get. If people were created by God, or whatever, the human intellect was obviously part of the picture, so why would the creator then turn around and tell a creation not to use it? My biggest problem with religion is that they all seem to have a problem with people who think too much.
I should mention, however, that I don't see a person's faith as indicative of intelligence. I know some incredibly well developed thinkers who disagree with me on God.
I'm putting you on my blog roll this weekend.
You had me at Ace of Spades and jumping into a creek.
Post a Comment