With A Little Help From This Friend :)
I've decided that the blogosphere needs some direction. There are way too many people that just don't seem to know what the f*** they're doing. Don't try and lie to me, I have seen your blogs. Informative, provocative, life-affirming. You are doing it all wrong. ^__^
Rule one: Profanity is fine, but only if you couch it in friendly looking letter replacements. F*** is OK, as is S##t. Phonetically spell F as a verb for added emphasis. Some people incorperate the standby @ss or A$$ variants. Never ever use profanity as it may offend someone who would rather be...
Rule two: Looking at Kittens
People love pictures of critters.
See, this is a kitten:
How much lighter do you feel now? It's easy to do, I just google image searched for kitten and found dailykitten.com. Sometimes you can use puppies. People will laugh and comment. Speaking of comments....
Rule Three: You must comment everyday. On everything. Did you read it? Then you must register an opinion, no matter how insignificant. Feel free to copy and paste the following:
OMG! SOooo True!!!!!
You are so lying ;)
AwwWWww.
Effing Yeah!!
If you cannot muster it inside of yourself to think of something to say after you read a post by anyone at anytime, you must delete your Blogger/Typepad/Wordpress account immediately. You have let down the blogosphere.
Rule Four: Strive for a picture to word ratio of at least 1:3, since if the blogosphere wanted to read, it would go to one of those book places. If you do not mathematically understand ratios, you most definitely belong in the blogosphere. I was most impressed once by a post about intelligent design (ID) which had a ratio of 48:1. It was astounding, you could not even understand the opinion of the blogger the post was so convolutedly covered in photoshopped pictures of George Bush and random endearing shots of monkeys.
Rule Five: Change colors randomly.
I don't know why.
6 comments:
OMG! You're the funniest person ever! LOL!
Cliffs Notes version:
Tell all o yer real world friends about yer blog, an get em all to start blogs o their own.
Come to think of it, it was your idea to have our first post on The Five be in different colors. And you introduced the first pictures. This is all coming together - and the full picture is that I am cooler than you.
GSR: Right, I wrote this around the time we were originating The Five. This is my moral backlash against all of that. As far as being cooler, I really don't think so. You might be, but I don't see how that's even possible.
Evenstar: Right. Well, SGM seems to die of something every time I see him. Maybe if he would effing die already we wouldn't need him anymore.
MA: AwwWWww.
Chimmy: I volunteer for the position of culler. I would bait people with kittens and if they stopped to say "Cuuute!" they would be culled.
OMG! SOooo True!!!!!
This comment is to bring me in to compliance with rule 3 - the only one that makes sense from where I sit.
Rule 1 exceeds both my grasp and my ambition thankfully.
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