Damn that guy

I have more than one voice in my head. While I am a ray of fucking sunshine at all times and only leave the world with the coziness of rose petals and tender Balian honey, The Devil's Advocate is a thistle and a skunk.

DA shows up when I'm riding high on a wave of undeserved euphoria to remind me that my rent's due or that my life consists of sitting alone in the dark studying shit no one cares about in a shitty, Boo Radley house on the Mesa That Time Forgot. Or that giving a girl your phone number is not the same as receiving her phone number. Or that my writing skills are so terrible I have to resort to italics for emphasis. He can really ruin a mood.

I was thinking of what to drink with my frozen pizza I scratched together the other day, and he made an appearance. He always does this when I have impressed myself with amazing cooking. I thought to myself:

"I need some beer. Maybe I'll run get some before the stores close."

Why buy beer if you're going to sit and drink it alone?

"Because I wanted to be alone tonight."

Did you?

"Fucker."

You know, you could open that bottle of wine. The one covered in dust.

"I told you, I'm not going to open that just for my own consumption, it's a five year old reserve Syrah. I'm not wasting it on getting drunk and watching SNL. I'm just waiting for someone who deserves it to come by."

How long have you had it now?

"A...while. I still have faith that someone will deserve it."

Before it's vinegar?

"Sure. That takes years. And years. No more wine talk, please. I'm getting depressed."

OK. So, why the frozen pizza when you have that ditalini in the pantry gathering dust and the pancetta in the fridge waiting for the next power outage to make a fool of you?

"We've been through this before the ditalini and the pancetta are not for me. Besides, a bolognaise would go great with that Syrah. I'm saving them and that's final. "

Do you realize how unlikely it is you will ever have anyone over in this shitbox house who would even appreciate it? Or the cook?

"I think those likelihoods are on the rise. In fact, I think there just might be hope for it. See, you're going on some old intel, buddy."

Something I don't know about?