Tassels Are The Only Proper Send Off
I had decided my funeral would be some type of odd memorial where there was no body and no one was sure entirely that I hadn't just joined some random revolution. Whether or not I got euthanized by execution would be an enduring mystery. There would be rumors of me living in the hills of (insert country here), holed up with a new, young and native wife. Rumors would be that I was cavorting among the bushes and a new tribe of brown-skinned children with blue eyes and home-made rock hammers could be found nestled in a mysterious valley.
That was the plan.
Then I found a much better memorial arrangement. I obviously can never have my funeral in China now, but hopefully I can get the ceremonial ball rolling before it's illegal here, too.
Just send the one with the lop-sided implants my way and stick a rolled up dollar bill in between my blue lips one last time, please. If I'm already laid up, it don't matter how many pathogens she may be hiding in her person.
4 comments:
That reminds me that I was planning to do a post on epitaphs a ways back. What would you choose? I think the epitaph is the epitome of succinct writing. The only piece of writing that most of us will ever have engraved in stone.
I remember once visiting Highgate Cemetery in London and reading many fine example of the (semi) permanent word, one of my favourites being "Here Lies Our Son Gus, Who Went Under a Bus". There was also the headstone of the owner of a famous Sports Emporium which was essentially just an ad for his shop.
Anyway, I think the blue-eyed chidren with the home-made hammers is still the best option.
I think your old plan is werkin amazingly well.
...
You ARE Andy Kaufman, aintcha?
anaglyph: I guess there was a biologist who went down into Mexico to study the ecology of the Baja region. When a small group of scientist went back years later, they asked the locals if they had any memories of the guy. They just pointed to a group of children. I can't remember his name, but "proliferating in all directions" come to mind.
Joey: Thank you very much
Ah yes. If everyone could die while placing a dollar bill between a stripper's breasts, I think the death penalty would be a lot more popular. Gone would be all the wasted time and money from appeals...no sir, those killers would be all set to go.
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